This video was brought to our attention by fellow slopper Chris Rohman, who, if you don’t remember wrote this post for us, and also did THIS to his scale a little bit ago…
This rap video by DJ Krispy Kreme titled “I <3 Food” is pretty damn funny, but personally I think we could, and should remake this and make it even funnier. Imagine Jordan, Koosh and myself runnin around shirtless with microphones preaching our love for trip whops, chucks wings, golden corral, buff chicken cheesesteaks, half off apps at the bees after 9, and all that good stuff we never shut the hell up about. Check out the vid and let us know if you think we should remake this!
P.S. whats up with that one real fat dude’s tit? Looks like he attempted to get tit reduction surgery and they only made it halfway before saying eh fuck it man your hopeless anyway you fat slob
Ok, well clearly we’ve done even less with this site recently than the number of sit ups I’ve done in the last three months, but I mean, c’mon if we didn’t put up a new post on Fat Tuesday, well then, we’re obviously not too big 4 society.
Personally I don’t even know what the hell Fat Tuesday is, and I especially don’t understand how it’s any different than any other Tuesday in our lives. But, here I am giving our loyal followers who have stuck with us and continued to watch our videos and demand more posts even though we’ve been lazier than Koosh attempting to play softball. Spoiler Alert: He doesn’t bend over to field any damn ground balls. God forbid he burns .6 calories…
Anywho, I saw this video this morning and laughed my ass off because this is totally something that would happen to me, or Koosh, or Jordan, or even pat that little douche bag who’s been “bulking up” recently by ordering 4 appetizers a night at Applebees.
Here’s the video of some guy snapping a stool in half at a college basketball game the other night…hilarious
(Robbinsville, NJ) Last night, the creators of the website TooBIG4Society declared their athletic dominance as they won an epic showdown of 4 on 4 basketball at the Robbinsville, NJ basketball courts. Jordan, Koosh, Ben, and the Beavis were originally playing some 2 on 2 games before being approached by some fellow high school alumni’s who challenged us to a 4 on 4 game. This is when the big question came into play. To play half court or to play full court.
“At this point, my heart is pounding through my chest. There is no way” said Koosh. ”I mean, why the hell not, lets do it (fullcourt)” said Jordan. After realizing he’s a moron, the decision was made to play half court. TB4S was about 0-1588457897489 from the field to begin. ”Our shots just weren’t droppin’….I just felt jiggly” said Ben. After falling behind 5-0 to a game of 15, Ben nailed a big 2 pointer to put TB4S on the board. After a couple big plays consisting of key rebounds from Jordan, steals from Beavis, and the clutch shooting of Koosh and Ben, TB4S managed to regain a 6-5 lead.
“It looked like a bunch of dying walruses trying to catch their breath” said a fan who was passing by. Another fan said that “I actually felt the park shake with these large men jumping around.” ”It seemed like they had great team chemistry. All we kept hearing was ‘YOU FAT SLOB’ and ‘FATA**’ and ‘WHAT THE F***’ and ‘MOVE!’ and ‘JUMP!’” said an annoymous library patron. Seeing how their endurance got shot to absolute hell, TB4S predictably fell behind 14-12. ”We can’t finish a f***in game” said Koosh, “If it was a Triple Whopper, we would of had this locked up hours ago.” With a great outlet pass from down low, Beavis nailed a clutch 2 pointer to tie the game up. When asked for a comment on this clutch shot, Beavis responded with a fart noise.
TB4S knew they weren’t going to lose this game when Koosh miraculously completed a no look behind the back 360 pass to Jordan who was posting up down low, and threw up the ugliest layup known to man, but still scoring. ”It was one of those if I don’t make this I will probably kill myself moments” said Jordan, “It hit nothing but net.” The pass looked quite similar to this Pau Gasol assist.
From here on out, it had seemed that this game would never end. It was quite similar to the UConn/Syracuse 6 OT game, without the whole athleticism and being college athletes part.
Koosh hit a great double pump jumper from the foul line to put TB4S up by one for the win. ”It was a sick move. Im pretty sure the first pump was to get his defender out of the way, and the other one was to avoid his large breasts” said Ben on the shot. TB4S played lock down D and were ripping boards down like there was no tomorrow. With some great ball movement, Ben knocked down the game winning shot to allow team TB4S to become victors. ”It was a great shot. Ben set a new personal record I believe. He jumped .00987 inches off the ground. Congrats dude” said Beavis about the final shot.
Editors Note: TB4S will challenge any 4 on 4 bball teams out there. If you douche bags think you can bring your A-game, please let us know.
Maybe I would have taken things a bit more seriously had I gotten to wear this outfit
Whenever I tell someone I did track in high school, I get this look as if I had just said PRAISE SATAN, and then comes the inevitable follow up question; “wait, YOU did track??”
Either A. I gained about 100 lbs since high school and I did run track.
or B. Yup, but I threw shotput and discus for the team, rarely even stepping foot on a track.
In fact, us throwers (Jordan, Koosh, Matt the Fat, Alex and I) even went as far to literally LAY DOWN on the track when we were once told to run a mile. Not only did we just lay down, but we stretched across the entire width of the track so we blocked any runners from actually ya know, practicing at practice. This did not end well and almost got us all kicked off the team.
Even though we were all our best throwers, and even won some legit medals, they probably should have just thrown us off the team. We forced 2 coaches to quit because we made so many fat jokes and consistently called one of them big bird due to his bright yellow XXXXXL shirt.
We brought endless amounts of food to track meets, never stretching or practicing before our throws, literally just sitting and stuffing our faces with whatever we all brought that day. From boxes of pop tarts to cheesesteaks to 5 lb. containers of twizzlers, it was a buffet…..at a sporting event in which we were participating in.
Leave it to us to actually get fatter while our “sport” was in season.
Track was supposed to keep us in shape for football, and it had the exact opposite effect. In fact, we ended up quitting the team once they implemented a weightlifting portion of practice every day our senior year. Yeah cuz THAT was gonna happen…
All in all if you’re a slopper and need a sport to do while in high school, choose throwing for the track team. It makes for the funniest of stories.
There was a ton of shit talking between the two….so a race had to happen to end it all. Ben vs. Jordan…SPOILER ALERT: A sundial was needed to name the winner!
Whelp. Clearly, I havent written anything in a while. The only thing that I have abandoned more than this site recently is my treadmill. So, today Jordan, Ben and I were reminiscing about our high school football days. SOOOOOO, with that being said, each year we had to get a physical done to make sure we were in adequate shape. The only shape I was in during high school was that of a circle. While I am at the doctors office, after getting Koosh Jr. and his buddies checked out, my doctor started talking to me about my weight. He told me that my ideal weight should be 175-180. After hysterically laughing then crying a little bit, my doctor told me everything was fine.
The next day I go into school and handed my form into the school nurse. Not thinking anything of it, I walked out confident that I would be surviving another year. A few weeks later, I get called down to the nurses office. GREAT! The school nurse had my physical form on her desk and goes “Did you see what your doctor wrote?” FANTASTIC! A million things ran through my mind. Heart attack, cardiac failure, I’m going to blow up, pregnancy, etc. Finally, as my blood pressure and heart rate was peaking out, the nurse chuckles and goes “Your doctor wrote……(awkward silence)….HUGE under your abdomen section.” I walked out, hand in face. THANK YOU DOCTOR!!! Why couldnt I get a god damn normal physical? I guess if I did, I would not be writing for this site. Thats why I am TooBIG4 My Abdomen.
Us four have broken many a things here at TB4S, (couch, futon, desks, chairs, diving boards, tubes, the ground) yet somehow we’ve never done what fellow slopper Chris Rohman achieved today. Remember Chris from his guest post wayyy back when we were first starting as a blog? If not, read it again here because it’s funny as hell.
Well, check out this 100% real pic of what Chris did to his scale today upon weighing himself. How this has never happened to me, Koosh or Jordan is beyond me but congrats Chris! Because this is some true slopper work.
I think we know what his New Years Resolution should be...
This video was brought to our attention by fellow slopper Chris Rohman, who, if you don’t remember wrote this post for us, and also did THIS to his scale a little bit ago…
